Update from the break room...

So hello bloggy friends. Welcome to the quickest blog post EVAH! I am really, really enjoying my job. The people here are super nice and the environment is very fun. I don't feel like I am coming to work every day! Leaving the baby stinks, but coming home to him is oh so sweet. This is going to sound corny, but because we don't have the same quantity of time together, I work harder to make the quality of that time much better. I am much more apt to stop whatever housework I am doing to sit down and read a book since I know that my time with him is finite. The fact is, my time with him, at this age and stage, was always finite, I am just more aware of that now.

My weekend was nice and it was good to get time away from the job. I now remember what Mondays are like... ug...

I am working very hard to keep up to date with my bloggy reading and I am super excited to have a guest post coming up for you guys- my first participation in a carnival, and I'm not even the one posting!!! Stay tuned...

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go!

So tomorrow is my first day. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to do it all, but for now, I'm mostly excited. I really don't know what to expect tomorrow- I think a lot of paperwork, maybe a tour?? I'm looking forward to being out of the house all by myself and having some time to think and feel productive! I'm not looking forward to leaving my boy and not looking forward to hearing my husband complain about how difficult he was all day long! I am kind of looking forward to him realizing what I was dealing with every day.

I should have spent the rest of my week last week making sure that my house was spotless and my clothes were all ironed and ready to go. I didn't do that. The best I got was making a notebook for relevant household information, including a master calendar showing where I'll be when and who will be here to watch Tyler. It also has a list of daily tasks for me to focus on so I stay ahead of the mess. Thanks to my mom, I am pretty much caught up on laundry. She came over to help me fold! I spent Thursday and Friday relishing the last few days of stay at home "freedom", wearing yoga pants all day on Friday and spending lots of time playing with the kiddo. And shopping for a few new things for work!

I feel a little like it's the first day of school tomorrow. I had a dream last night that I overslept for my first day. That just can't happen! Here's to hoping and to starting a new chapter- still stay at home, but working too- hopefully the best of both worlds! 

I had a dream last night that I was

Getting Ready to Go Back to Work: Energy UP!

Around the beginning of the year, I was sick and tired of always being sick and tired. I knew that I wanted to make more changes so that I had more energy and wasn't always feeling sluggish and like I wanted to go back to bed. My back constantly felt tight- my muscles always felt on edge and my mood did too. I decided enough was enough and I needed to make some changes. When the new job came along and I knew that my sleep was going to decrease, I realized that I needed to get serious about these changes. 

So what were my huge changes? I've really only accomplished two... there's a third that I'd like to work on, but we'll see. The first two that are really working for me- drinking more water and getting more exercise. The third that I would like to work on is cutting out a lot of the refined sugar from my diet. I am trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies, but the ice cream in the freezer keeps calling my name. My husband has a HUGE sweet tooth, so we always have M&Ms, cookies and ice cream in the house. And I apparently have NO will power, so I'm still eating way too much of said M&Ms, cookies and ice cream. Any ideas of what works for you in that situation?

Here's what IS working for me, though- more water and more exercise. On the more water front- I HATE drinking water. HATE it. I don't know why- just not my favorite thing. There are times that I will have a LONG drink of water and think, "Wow, that's really good!" and yet when I get thirsty, I am far more likely to grab a soft drink or worse yet, eat something. I have to trick myself into getting enough to drink. Target recently had Sobe flavored water on sale. They have a zero calorie version, so I stocked up. There was a peelie coupon on the water- buy 5 get 2 free, so I think that I ended up paying about $5 for 21 bottles when it was all said and done. I know that all of those plastic bottles are not great for the environment, so here is my compromise: I drink the flavored water from the bottle, then I refill the bottle with water and drink that. That's 5 cups of water right there. Then I refill the bottle with water again and mix in come Crystal Light or Benefiber drink mix, so I'm not drinking plain water. Now I'm up to 7.5 cups, and that's  pretty good for me. If there are hours left in the day, I might fill the bottle up with plain water again. I can bring the bottle with my anywhere I go throughout the day and it comes to bed with me so if I wake up in the night, I have something to drink. The next morning, the bottle gets recycled and I start fresh with a new bottle. I can really tell the difference in my energy level when I am well hydrated.

The other thing that helps me have more energy is getting more exercise. This is so much easier said than done! I was having a really hard time waking up in the morning. I found myself feeling grumpy and just really annoyed at the fact that I was someplace other than in bed! My muscles were very sore and tight. I could wake myself off with a strong cup of coffee or a Diet Coke, but I was not thrilled that I was so dependent on a drug to perk me up! My son LOVES to watch Baby Einstein- he begs and begs to watch and though I'm not thrilled with him spending a ton of time in front of the TV, we have a new morning routine that makes both of us happy. He gets to watch baby Einstein and I get a few minutes to wake up! I am fortunate in that I have a lap top. I either put Einstein on the computer of TV for my son. Then, whatever he's not using, I use to access Exercise TV. There are a TON of workouts available On Demand through my cable company, many of them only 10 minutes long. I can find 10 minutes to improve my mood and energy level for the entire day! The great news is that their workouts are also available on-line. I can find one for whatever muscle group I feel like working- lower body, upper body, abs or just general stretching- and it's free and there when I want it. When I'm done, even with that little short 10 minute burst, my muscles feel looser. I feel awake and ready to start my day. I'm slowly getting addicted! Last night I wanted more so I did a whole 20 minute yoga routine right before I went to bed. I slept GREAT and felt better when I got up this morning. I am hoping that if when I continue this when I go back to work, I'll continue to feel better and have more energy.

This is also part of Works for Me Wednesday. You can see more WFMW Tips at We are THAT Family.

You can see the first in this very informal series here: Getting Ready to Go Back to Work: Stocking the Freezer.

Getting Ready to Go Back to Work: Stocking the Freezer

I spent Saturday cooking. If you want to get technical, I spent Friday shopping and Saturday and Sunday cooking and cleaning like a mad woman. I decided that it would be a good idea to stock the freezer with some go to meals that I could put into play if I needed something on the fly. I visited Once a Month Mom, browsed through the January recipes, thought buffalo chicken pasta was something I'd like to try and jumped right into making 16 servings. In for a penny, in for a pound, I also decided to make mandarin orange chicken rice. I've been wanting to try Erin's Enchilada recipe for a while now, so I figured I'd triple it and freeze those bad boys, even though that's not a freezer recipe. I had about 2.5 pounds to ground turkey in the freezer and thought that needed to be made into chili. Finally, I wanted to put together and freeze three meat loaves.

I would love to tell you that things went great and I have a freezer full of nutritious, yummy meals for my family, but I'm not sure that's the case. We tried the rice dish and it was not exactly everything I hoped it would be. This is due, at least in part, to poor execution of what might be a perfectly fine recipe. After I spent all of Saturday afternoon cooking, washing, freezing, mixing and WORKING REALLY HARD, then eating a disappointing first freezer dish, I was feeling a little down, especially since we had two more dinners worth of that dish hanging out in our freezer and four servings going home with my mom. It was at this point that my husband asked me why I had bothered with all that, he would gladly just eat burgers and pasta three nights a week. I'm actually pretty proud that I didn't completely loose it at this point. But I didn't. And the real verdict is still out on the whole experience since we haven't eaten all of the foods yet.  So we'll see...

Here's what I wish that I would have done differently before attempting this whole process:

I would have made each of the recipes once prior to trying to cook enough of said recipe to feed a small army, or one family four times over. Although the recipes looked good one the sites, I don't really have any idea if we like buffalo chicken pasta or mandarin orange chicken. Trying one meal's worth would have been a lot better than experimenting with four meals worth. Also knowing what a normal version of the recipe looked like would have made a quadrupled version seem less strange. A lot of my difficulty came from not trusting the recipe. For example, the buffalo chicken recipe calls for one cup of hot sauce. This seemed all well and good until I realized that hot sauce, i.e. Tabasco sauce comes in 2 oz containers. Surely I was not supposed to add FOUR containers of hot sauce to my recipe??? Plus THREE bottles of ranch dressing??? It all seemed perfectly normal there on the page, but in my kitchen, it seemed a lot stranger.

I would have begged, borrowed or stole some seriously BIG pots. I had to boil my pasta in two batches because it didn't all fit in my biggest pot. I also had to delay cooking some of the other items because they didn't fit in my smaller pots. When you're cooking a bag and a half of rice in about 11 cups of liquid, you need a big pot. If someone else is helping you with your cooking day, ask to borrow their biggest pots. If you're going it alone, borrow what you can from friends or neighbors.

Finally, I would NOT have tried to do so many recipes in one day. I completely blame Once a Month Mom for making it look SO easy! It seems so organized in the excel spreadsheets and step by step instructions, but it's a lot of work, especially if you're used to cooking for a few people. I would have gone for one or two recipes, not FIVE!

Here's what went well:

My grocery store had bone-in, skin-on split breasts for $1.69 per pound. This is a decent price around here, so I bought a ton. Not enough, it turns out, to finish all my recipes, resulting in a frantic run to the grocery store and a second round of chicken cooking. But this is about what went RIGHT. I took the skin off the chicken on Friday night and put the chicken in my 4 quart slow cooker insert, then put the whole thing in the fridge overnight. The next morning, I turned it on as soon as I got up and my chicken was waiting for me at nap time (1 pm), ready to be picked from the bones and shredded. I did things exactly like Stephanie explains in this post from A Year of Slow Cooking. It was a great way to cook a lot of chicken with very little effort. I wasn't even home while the chicken was cooking.

The chili... it was yummy... I borrowed a bit from the enchilada spices and used the same combination in the chili. It came together very nicely and my husband didn't realize that it was turkey, not beef. SCORE!

The best part of the day was frantically tweeting "Help! @onceamonth mom, does hot sauce = tabasco?? 1 cup?? I'm halfway though the buffalo chicken pasta recipe!" and then actually getting a reply, yes, that's right. Very cool technology!

So that's it. Don't do what I did with the whole freezer cooking thing. Get your feet a little wet before diving right on in... and then let me know what went well for you, because it turns out I need a little help!

A super HUGE, really BIG, WOW I'm EXCITED decision!

So this past week was a whirlwind of interviews for me! I literally lost count. I think, but don't quote me, that I had two in-person interviews and a phone interview Monday, one interview Tuesday, another phone interview Wednesday, and an interview Friday. Four in person interviews and two phone interviews in five days is A LOT. Each interview requires its own research and follow up emails and consideration and wow was I tired of talking about myself. First and foremost, let me express how absolutely blessed I was to be considered for each and every one of these positions. The job market is terrible right now, especially in depressed Florida. For me to get this much interest was AMAZING. I had calls back from resumes that were submitted six weeks ago. I also got a call back from a company I interviewed with in early November. They had another position open and wanted me to consider that. I was also fortunate enough to have a few offers to consider.

I was most excited about a job in the publishing industry selling textbooks to college professors and working with various universities to get those textbooks adopted. The position included a company car, decent salary and very generous bonus, paid annually. It also included a fair amount of travel, unfortunately. The manager I interviewed with told me that during my first year, I would be out in the field all day, then have about three hours of work to do when I got home at night. I was ready for the challenge- I know that I can do that work. Then I started thinking about all the work I already have to do around here at night. And how I've left my child overnight exactly one time and wasn't all that thrilled about it. Pursuing this opportunity meant letting this opportunity pass me by. And I realized that I wasn't willing to give up that possibility for this possibility. So I stepped out of the interview process and decided to move ahead with that "I think that I might be nuts" job- the one that requires working til almost 2 am and pays a pittance, but allows me to be home with my child almost all day, provides medical benefits, and allows for advancement.

A few other things factored into my decision. First of all, I recently remembered a conversation I had with a co-worker before I was laid off. I was lamenting the cost of the childcare and how I hated leaving my child everyday to come to work. I said to her, verbatim, "I wish that I could just find a job in a call center working nights so that I could keep the baby during the day and Matt [husband] could keep him at night. I know I wouldn't make as much money, but we wouldn't have to pay for childcare, so that would make up for some of it." Here I am, about a year later, with the very opportunity I wanted when I was working a "real" job! The thought process then went something like this- "You have the opportunity to have exactly what you said you wanted so shut up and be happy with that you moron." (I'm so nice to myself, huh. That's my interview question answer to what is your biggest weakness- I'm too hard on myself, just in case you were wondering.) In this case though, I think that the whole moron comment was deserved. When I was working a full time job, I wished for this job. That says something, right?

Second, I thought about what I would tell a friend if she told me that she were considering what I was considering- working a job with slightly unconventional hours in order to have more time to spend with her child. I would tell that friend that I thought she was an awesome mom to be willing to do that for her child. I would do everything I could to help support her and make things easier for her during this transition. I did, in fact, have a friend who took a job at Target working very early mornings so that she would be home in the afternoons when her husband worked. At the time, she felt that the job was not necessarily the best use of her talents, but was willing to do it anyway since it meant that she could be with her daughter. I thought it was fantastic and bought every red accessory I could find to coordinate with her new uniform. If I was willing to do that for a friend, why couldn't I be that supportive of myself? No good reason that I could think of, so I got behind that plan!

Finally, I thought of my own childhood. It was just my mom and me, so she always worked- she didn't have another option. I was always well-cared for and my mom did everything she could to make sure that she was there for important events and school programs and whatever. At the same time, there were many, many days that I came in second to an important project at work. She will admit to you today that there were times that she put work ahead of me. There were nights when she did not get home until very, very late and I was the one who made dinner for us both. I'm not sitting here crying a river or anything- my childhood was far, far better than many others. At the same time, I knew that I came in second to her job. And I didn't want that for my child. I wanted to be able to tell him, "You were so important to me that I chose to put you first and be with you instead of pursuing my career," which is really what it comes down to, right? I am sure that when he is a teenager he will claim that I made the complete wrong choice and ruined his life completely, but for right now, this seems like the right choice.

So that's my super HUGE, really BIG, WOW I'm EXCITED decision. I'm going to take the "I think that I might be nuts" job. And I am choosing to be really excited and focus on the positives of this job. I'm going to be excited about the cafeteria! Because I've never worked anywhere with a cafeteria before! And the employee discount! And the company store! And how easy I think that the job will be! I'm, for the most part, ignoring the late hours, weekends, holidays, pay and other crappy parts of the job. Quite honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do it. I wouldn't know how I was going to do any other job, though, so that's not any different. I also didn't know how I would manage when I had the baby and had to go back to work, and I figured that out, so I'm having a little faith that I'll somehow manage this too. Because I want to. Not because I HAVE to and I had no other option, but because **I** decided that this is what **I** want- for myself, for my family and for my child. I've made the decision and I'm owning it. Since I had NO say when I became "Suddenly Stay @ Home", to at least have some control in this decision is nice. I am feeling incredibly blessed to have this option- to have the job offer and to have the financial means the accept this, even though it's not the highest paying option. I recognize that this was not an option my mom ever had, or an option that a lot of other people have today, and I am grateful.

And I'm not truly ignoring the challenge of it all. I spent the weekend stocking the freezer with meals for when I go back. I've made some changes since the New Year which will hopefully boost my energy level even on little sleep. I will be spending the week tweaking some other things around here to make things run more smoothly without my constant attention. And streamlining- lots and lots of streamlining! I hope to share these things with you in the week to come, but we'll see... the best laid plans and all.

By the way, just a little disclaimer, this was the right choice for me and for my family. I completely acknowledge and recognize that this might not be the right choice for another woman and another family. I would not dream of judging another mom who did choose to take a traditional (9-5) job and enroll her child(ren) in day care or another child care arrangement. I hope that this post in no way makes you feel bad if that's the choice that you made- this is just my choice that I am choosing to be EXCITED about today and might blow up in face tomorrow.

I think that I might be nuts...

Those of you who know me in real life are going, "Ya think, really????" as if I've just announced that the world, is in fact, round.

My latest nutty idea??? Taking a job that pays less that unemployment for the first 7 weeks of training, then pays about half of the low end jobs that I've been considering and trying to get. I'm thinking about taking a job that would require me to work until 1:15 AM. (Yes, you read that right.) The same job doesn't recognize any holidays except Christmas. I would be required to work weekends. Every weekend.

So where's the upside? The HUGE benefit and the only real reason that I even applied for this position is that I wouldn't start working until 4:45 pm. That would mean the entire day with my child, then handing him off to daddy to go to work. This seems better than handing him off to relative strangers to go to work, which is what daycare feels like at this point. I could spend all day with him and not have to pay for childcare. That means, though, that I would be getting home at 1:30 am, if I'm lucky, and getting to bed by 2 am, then being back up with him at 6:30 am, again if I'm lucky and he sleeps that long. I would have to be super disciplined to sleep when he napped (if I'm lucky) in the afternoons. WAY too many, "if I'm lucky" disclaimers in there!!!

I would have two days off during the week, but be working weekends. I am thinking that we would have all day Saturday and Sunday to do family things since I would not have to be to work until 4:45. My husband and I would have two nights to spend together after the baby went to bed- my days off, basically. I know that some of this down time will be devoted to sleep too, though. This schedule would mean no more blogging and less drug-store gaming (getting stuff free at CVS and Walgreens). I would have to get super organized when it came to housekeeping, making lists and setting a schedule so that my husband can pick up where I leave off, because I cannot do as much as I do now and work too. And the sad part is I don't feel like I keep up with it all that well now! I think that if I took this job, I would do some once a month cooking deals too so that our freezer was well stocked with pre-made (hopefully healthy) meals. (BTW, side note, if you are looking for some scheduling tips/ routine for household chores, check out Totally Together Journal. Stephanie O'Dea of slow cooking fame blogs about how to get a routine going for your house, and it just started Jan 1. Plenty of time to catch up!)

The other HUGE upside is health insurance that starts the first of the month after I do. In this case, that means February 1. We are still on COBRA and still only paying 35% of the premium, thanks to the new laws that they've enacted. I am grateful for that, of course, except that my old company changed plans for 2010 and switched to something that involved an employer funded Health Savings Account and a VERY high ($7500 for the family) deductible before the health insurance actually pays on red cent. Except that when you're on COBRA, and no longer technically an employee of the company, you don't get the employer funded HSA. Which means that if any of us go to the doctor for anything other than a well-baby or well-woman exam, we pay out of pocket until we hit that lovely $7500 number. Then and only then do they start footing any portion of the bill. That means that if we were to have another child, we would pay for all of it ourselves. I know that people do this, but we are just not in a position to come up with those funds ourselves. With the new job, we'd have better coverage for about the same cost. Still not the best situation considering how little I'd be making, but better than now, I think. It at least puts the idea of another child on back on the table, something that's important to us.

I also know that this is a job that I can do without having to try too hard. It's customer service and I know that I am going to deal with angry customers, but it's not sales, not preparing detailed sales presentations, not having to follow up, not having to call on prospects day in and day out. It would be a lot of following scripts, hopefully a lot of handling routine calls, stuff that would not be a stretch for me, compared to what I used to do. After dealing with the illogic, non-sensical tantrums of a 16 month old who doesn't talk, an irate customer or two should be fairly easy, right??? ;-) Part of me wonders if I am so attracted to this position because I am afraid to fail at something more challenging. I was used to going into a job and being good at it right away- quickly being a top performer. With my last position, the one that I lost, I wasn't good at it immediately. There were times that I was downright bad at it and in danger of being terminated for lack of performance. I found my groove eventually, but then the market turned and everyone was bad at the job, relatively speaking! I think that the whole experience, then being laid off on top of that, has really shaken my confidence in myself and my abilities. I don't want to take this position just because I am afraid to try to do something else.

Finally, though this is an entry level position and I've more than entered the work force, thank you, it is with a big company in the area who promotes from within. That means that if I took this position, it would almost definitely lead to other things within the company- other things that I could not get unless I took this position. I kind of fell into a sales job after college and since I had one sales job, it wasn't hard to get another, then another, and now all I've done is sales. I like sales, don't get me wrong, but there are other places that I think I might be able to better use my skills. The problem, though, is convincing a prospective employer of that when all you've ever done in sales. This position would kind of give me a clean slate with this company and let me move into other areas, like training or compliance.

So that's my dilemma right now. I'm considering taking all the positives of being a SAHM and combining them with the positives of being a working mom. (I can't wait to get to use my very own semi-private bathroom stall! I'd also get a 30 minute meal break all to myself!!!) The flip side of that, though, is all the negatives of being a SAHM PLUS all the negatives of being a working mom. It would be a strain, no question, and I am very concerned about being the kind of mom I want to be and the kind of wife that I want to be on that little sleep, not to mention that little time to myself. I really wonder if I can handle working AND being the primary caregiver for our son. Working and having a child is a lot to manage when someone else cares for the child 8-10 hours a day. Remove that other caregiver from the equation and it becomes a lot for one person. (I know that my husband would have the baby for 8+ hours every night, but the baby would be asleep for all but 3-4 hours of that time.) I would loose any down time I had after bedtime since I would generally be working during that time.

I welcome to thoughts and ideas from anyone who actually managed to make it all the way to the bottom of this very long and winding blog post. Part of the perks of having your very own blog is that you get to type things out, right??? ;-)

(BTW, did Blogger move the spell check function for posts or am I just really tired tonight? I apologize in advance for any errors, I cannot find the silly button!)

The 2nd Interview: What Went Wrong

My hair was frizzy, fuzzy. I didn't get the job because in an attempt to create more volume, I flipped my head upside down while blowing my hair dry. Although my hair looked okay when I left the house, by the time I got to the interview, it was frizzy and fuzzy and so I didn't get the job.

Okay, so maybe that's not quite what happened or quite why I didn't get the job. I don't 100% know why I didn't get the job. There are any number of possibilities, as well as the very likely probability that they had another candidate whose skill set better matched their needs or who had more experience in this field than me. I knew that I was a long shot going in- this was an outside sales position and I have less than a year of experience in outside sales. This would be enough to disqualify me from even being interviewed in most cases, but somehow, I got the opportunity to interview. My most recent position did not involve outside sales and I have not actually done outside sales in over three years. None of this was in my control, I couldn't change these facts.

What I could have changed, though, is the skill set that I presented to the hiring manger in the interview. Here's how it went down- she asked me a number of situational questions like, "Was there ever a time when you were able to resolve a customer's problem right there on the spot?" or, "Tell me about an ongoing relationship you had with a customer." What I should have talked about was my relationship with those customers that I had when I was in outside sales 3+ years ago. That would have demonstrated my skill set directly as it related to this job. What I did, though, is talk about my relationships with my customers from my most recent job. I spent three plus years there, so it only makes sense that those situations were the freshest in my mind. It never occurred to me to really dig a bit further back and come up with situations from my previous position, the one just like the position for which I was interviewing. Maybe this is just a big fat DUH for everyone else, but it didn't occur to me until AFTER the big interview, when it was too late. Lesson learned- in an interview, talk about your experience doing the job most like the job you are applying for, even if it was not the last job you held.

The other thing I think went wrong is that I didn't have a clear understanding of how the sales cycle worked for this particular industry. In my last position, we pushed for the sale pretty heavily right up front. With this position, it would have been a more gradual sales process- start with a few items and work the customer up to more, more, more. I didn't know that and unfortunately, it became very clear in the interview that I didn't know that. I could have learned it very quickly, but I think that I lost a lot of appeal when my naivete was exposed. I'm not entirely sure how I could have figured that out before the interview, but I am sure that I could have done some Internet research, at the very least. I will be better prepared for the interview next time around, if there is a next time.

Finally, I wish that I would have come up with better questions to ask the interviewer. You know at the end of the interview, when they ask you if you have any questions for them? I had nothing. Zilch. I feel like the last thing in that interviewer's mind was the fact that I was too stupid to even ask a question about the job. I would have liked the last thing in her mind to have been the insightful, thoughtful question I posed about the industry at large. Next time, I will have several of those kinds of questions ready when the interviewer asks me if I have any questions.

Though I didn't get the job, I do feel like I accomplished something on the day of the interview. It was the first time that I had to get dressed professionally with the baby. Obviously, I get dressed every day, but that usually involves a change of clothes, a quick face wash and new pony tail holder. I generally shower at night or when (if) he naps. The morning of the interview, though, I got up, got him fed and ready and then showered, blew my hair dry, applied make up and got dressed in grown-up real world clothes. When I was working, he was not yet walking and didn't eat solid food. Getting him ready was nothing more than nursing him and changing him. He sat in the bouncy seat or exersaucer while I showered and a woman came to our house to watch him while I left for work. Now, he no longer fits in the exersaucer or bouncy seat and the lovely woman who watched him is out of the country. This meant that I also had to figure out another child care solution while I interviewed- another total stressor in and of itself! We did it though- he and I. He stayed with a friend from play group. He has never stayed with anyone except family and the lovely German woman who watched him when I worked. I was really worried about how he would do being with someone he didn't know all that well. He did great, though, so I was really proud of both him AND me for being able to handle that new experience.

No Job for me...

I got an email late last night letting me know that they would be "pursing other candidates". I was HUGELY nice of them to let me know- I was going absolutely bonkers with waiting. I have more to post on the second interview- I kind of knew when that was done that it wasn't going to happen, but I was hoping that I was just being silly and insecure.

I'm hugely disappointed though, and indulging in a bit of a pitty party here. I'll be back with a better attitude and more positive thoughts soon. At least I don't have to come up with a new name for the blog...

More Job News

I think that one of the worst things about job searching, just like with dating, is waiting for that call. Back in the day, before cell phones and then smart cell phones with email capability, you used to be able to get away from it all. You could head to the mall, or for a walk, or for a drive, and hope that you'd have a message waiting when you got home. Now there is no escape! No matter where you go, your phone goes too. When I asked about the time frame for the hiring decision, she told me that they were holding final interviews on the 28th. She said that they had three days of round one interviews and round two interviews would be somewhere in between. By my calculations, that meant that she was going through round one on Friday, when I interviewed, Monday and Tuesday. I figured that she would know something about round 2 by Wednesday. I kept an eye on my email and cell phone Monday and Tuesday, just in case.

Wednesday though, I was on pins and needles waiting to hear SOMETHING- ANYTHING. I kept reminding myself that we would be okay, no matter what the outcome, and if not this job, then there was something better out there. Myself wasn't buying it. The fact is, I want this job, more than anything I've wanted in a long time, and that scares me a little. By admitting that I want it, and want it badly, I'm setting myself up for pretty big disappointment. This all led to me compulsively hitting the refresh button on my Gmail account for most of the day Wednesday. At one point, I contemplated sending myself an email from one account to the other, just to check and make sure that all systems at Google were up and running. When I didn't have anything by end of business, I was convinced that they had absolutely no interest in hiring me and I would never get a job ever again. We don't go to extremes here or anything, not us!

Finally, after bathing the baby, I noticed that I had a new email. It was an email from the hiring manager inviting me in for a second interview! WOO HOO!!!! I was holding the baby and jumping up and down and cheering. My husband told me to stop because I was scaring our child. Spoilsport. Anyway, it's Monday at 11 am and I am OVER THE MOON! I am so excited and so blessed to have this opportunity. I am continuing to pray that everything will work itself out as far as me getting this job and also as far as me being able to handle the job- not so much the work itself, but the logistics of getting someone to take care of our little boy and everything else around here while I'm working. More to come on that front, but I am determined to get this posted tonight. It's been slow cooking in my drafts folder since Thursday!

HUGE thanks to everyone that's been praying for me about this. It seems strange to say, but I really feel all of the positive energy through this whole process- I just really hope it continues through the final interview on Friday.

The BIG Interview

So the big interview was this morning. Last night, the little boy started feeling HOT. Really hot... I took his temperature withe our eat thermometer that generally reads about 96 degrees for him and it was up to 100. something. I know that 100. something is not really even a fever, but given that it normally reads cooler, I figured something was up. This is also the first time that he's EVER had a fever or elevated temp of any sort. He seemed to be acting okay, but I gave him baby motrin just to be sure. I could tell just from having him on me that he cooled down, but he wasn't really into going to sleep... he was up until midnight. All I kept thinking was, "What would I do if I had to go to work all day tomorrow??" The surprising thing was, I had an answer. If I HAD to go to work, I would leave him here with a sitter. If I felt that he was too sick to be without me, I'd make arrangements to be home with him. The thought of having to manage a sick child would have normally had me freaking out, but last night, it seemed completely manageable. Interesting...

The little boy actually managed to sleep all night, though he did wake up with little cries a time or two, but quickly settled himself back down. When we woke up for the day about 6, he was HOT again, so he got more motrin as soon as he finished morning milk. He managed to eat a pretty decent breakfast and was in an okay mood. I, on the other hand, was tired and nervous about going. Since he hadn't gone to sleep the night before, I hadn't had any time to do the research that I wanted on the company or the industry. I hadn't tried on the suit and new shirt I bought- I didn't even know if the shirt would be short enough to fit under the suit jacket. I also hadn't switched from my MAMMOTH mommy purse to the more manageable one I wanted to take with me to the interview. I was definitely feeling a little stressed, but DH came to the rescue and took the baby at the appointed time so that I could go get ready. I put the suit and new shirt on- totally compatible! The only "problem" was that the suit was a little loose... hmmmm... not the best impression for the interview, but I wasn't about to complain that my clothes were fitting a little big! You don't really notice these things when you spend most days in sweat pants!

I walked out the door in my compatible suit and smallish purse feeling in control and looking, in my opinion, pretty decent for an overtired mommy. I figured I'd just put my best foot forward and see where that got me. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of checking myself out in the visor mirror in the car when I got to the interview site. No one should look at their dark undereye circles that closely! I assured myself that I would remain at least 3 feet from the interviewer at all times and we would be fine and headed in. I even managed to do a little more research about the company's product line before I was called in for the interview.

Here's where things get kind of cool... I won't bore you with ALL of the details of the interview- which actually lasted 2.5 hours- but one of the huge potential deal breakers with this job was an extended training session out of state. Extended as in leave your child and your husband and don't see them again for four weeks. I think that it would be a lot to ask either spouse to essentially be a single parent for four weeks and before the interview, I couldn't conceive of a way to make that work. BUT... here's the cool part, I think... the extended training? It actually takes place in New York... On Long Island... where my husband's family, who have been FROTHING at the mouth to squeeze my child happen to live. The huge deal breaker might have just become a perk...

The other thing that makes me think that this might just all work out? My husband's actually on board with the idea of me taking this job. There have been other opportunities that have come up in the past and he's been VERY against them. When we talked after this interview, he wasn't even on the fence, he just saw the same potential I did. He saw that this might be a good fit for our family and our situation right now. He saw that we might just be able to make this work. I cannot begin to tell you how blown away I am by this fact. Maybe I just don't generally give him enough credit, but really, his attitude towards this position amazed me. It is literally an answer to prayer.

So here I am, NOT conflicted. I'm very clear in how I feel- I want this job. I really want to believe that the fact that the training, which I thought would be a big issue, seems to be working itself out and that my husband is actually on the same page as I am means that this job is something that is supposed to happen. Honestly, though, I'm afraid of really getting my hopes up and being disappointed. I know that I could do the job, and excel at it, but given the current job market, I really think that they may have candidates with more experience in their specific field and I might get passed over. I'm hopeful though, and grateful for the opportunity to interview today. I feel oddly optimistic- like if this job doesn't come through, then maybe another will. In rereading my post from 3 months ago, I remember feeling like whatever happened was going to be the WRONG thing. I felt like if I got the job, it would be a terrible thing in that I had to leave my child, and if I didn't get the job, it would be a terrible thing for our finances. Now, though, even though I really want this job, I feel like even if I don't get it, we'll be okay and if I do get it, and have to leave my child, we'll still be okay and make that work too.

They will be holding two more rounds of interviews. Dates for the second round have not been set, but round three will be happening on August 28, so I'll either still be in the running then, or I'll know that this is not the job for me. I really, really, really, really hope that I'm still in the running...

Here we go again- Interview Tomorrow

I have another job interview tomorrow. Remember how conflicted I felt about the last one? I thought that I had a better handle this time around. I was all prepared to write a wonderfully coherent blog post about why I thought we should really consider me going back to work- having group health benefits, a company match 401(K) and college and emergency funds. As I sit here trying to explain those reasons, they all seem hollow. I have encountered plenty of bloggers who make things work without health insurance, a huge emergency fund or regular income.

Just this morning, I checked out Brandi's site- The Prudent Homemaker. Brandi and her family don't have health insurance. She doesn't even go the grocery store on a regular basis- she and her family survive (and thrive) off the food she has stockpiled in their home and the food that they grow in their yard. In the desert of Las Vegas. I guess I can't use that whole weird climate thing as an excuse for my dead herb garden. No one tell my mother-in-law, okay?

All these reasons for wanting to go back to work- health insurance, the 401(K) and college and emergency funds seem like valid, virtuous reasons to go out and get a job. Part of me thinks it's downright irresponsible to have a child and not have health insurance, but on the other hand, we can't insure against the most devastating of things. Even with health insurance, you can end up with some pretty big hospital bills. Brandi and her family faced some pretty big things without health insurance, including a child's broken arm and a pregnancy. They got through them and I certainly would not consider Brandi to be a bad or irresponsible parent. Am I really willing to sacrifice being there daily for my child in order to have money in the bank or stashed away somewhere for retirement? If he were gone tomorrow, would I rather have a fat emergency fund or the time with him? That answer is amazingly easy to figure out- but it's not that simple.

It all just makes me wonder if deep down, I want to go back to work for the old reasons- the ones that I thought I'd gotten over- the need to have the proof of a paycheck every other week to prove my worth, wanting to wear nice clothes and interact with adults. Am I willing to leave my child every day so that we can afford vacations or new furniture?

So apparently I'm still conflicted. I'm going tomorrow with an open mind. We'll see how it goes and if they are even going to offer me the job and put me in a position where I have to choose. Until then, I'm trying to enjoy every minute I have at home and with my little boy. Even if I don't go back to work, he's still growing up WAY TOO FAST!!!

The Outcome of the BIG Interview

After worrying and wondering and being all conflicted, the interview was a bust. When I got there, the interviewer was finishing up with another candidate and a lot of the employees were leaving for the day. A 6 pm interview worked well for my schedule, but it might not have been the best time of day to interview. It seemed like the interviewer was more interested in getting out of the office than really seeing what I was all about. I got the sense that either they already had another candidate that they liked better or he already really liked me and didn't need to hear much from me to know that he wanted to make me an offer.

It does not really matter because I don't think that I would really want the job. It's outside sales, which is fine, but the money is not great, nor are the hours. I know that if I wanted to take a job, it would mean finding suitable child care and going to battle with my husband. If I am going to go through that, the position and the pay would have to be pretty compelling.

The good part about the whole experience, though, was that I got to shower all by myself! I didn't have to rush or worry that anyone was crying or waiting for me. It was wonderful! I got to blow dry my hair and put on makeup! I wore a suit and fantastic shoes!

I wish that I would have planned things in order to make better use of my time after the nanny got there but before I had to leave the house. I got showered and dressed, got dinner ready for everyone since I would be gone during dinner time, and left just as my husband was walking in. By this point, I only had about 45 extra minutes or so, not really enough time to do much. I stopped by McDonalds for a Diet Coke- huge treat- since I am still nursing, I try to limit my caffeine intake to one cup of coffee per morning, but this was a special occasion and I needed the kick! I drove almost all the way to the interview, then stopped at a Dollar Tree and Marshalls. I heard that the Dollar Tree had some swim diapers and $1 is a much better deal than the $15 I paid on eBay. This particular store had none, unfortunately. Marshalls had nothing that I needed either, thought there was an adorable pair of black patent leather mary janes with a great round toe for only $10!!!! With my recent shopping transgressions, I resisted and ultimately left with nothing. Too bad the shopping was more interesting than the actual interview.

All in all, it was a great experience- I proved to myself that my brain has not entirely rotted away. If and when I need to, assisted by a Diet Coke, I can discuss my career and skill set in a professional manner. I can be something other than a mom if I want to be, and for now, I think that's enough. It also proved just how rejuvenating a few hours away from the house and baby can be. I am going to try to make sure that I have that time to myself at least every other week going forward. I don't have to go have an expensive spa treatment or anything, but I do need that time to myself. Committing to that feels very indulgent to me, but I'm going with it. I truly think that it will make me a better mom and wife in the long run.

Conflicted...

This is how our morning went... I had an errand to run across town, so I strapped Tyler into his car seat about 9 am hoping that he would sleep in the car during his “normal” nap time. I do not remember the last time that he slept during his “normal” nap time, but I'm trying. So we are listening to his music, dancing along in the car and he does not fall asleep. We get to said destination, do what we need to do and get back in the car. I am still hoping that he will fall asleep. I packed my laptop in preparation for having to hang out in the car for a little while, so we're all good. We pull up to the last major stop light before home and he's getting really fussy. I try to appease him with my keys, but no good, still crying. I glance at the clock, realize that most of his nap time is gone and it's about time for him to nurse again. I tell him that we'll be home in a few. I secretly hope that if I get him in the house and nurse him right away, he'll fall asleep and I can put him down for a few minutes, even though this is against Dr. Ferber's teaching (more to come on that)... our house is on the end of a LONG street, so we're half way to home when he gets quiet. Literally four doors down from home and NOW he falls asleep. Seriously??

So I do what any mother whose child has not napped in two days... I pull into the driveway, throw the car in reverse and keep driving! If I stop now, he'll wake up because he's not asleep enough. I crank the air up to high to make the car as cool as possible and look for a shady spot to park. A shady spot with internet connection would be ideal, but alas, I'm willing to type now, post later! So now I'm sitting under a tree in the parking lot of an abandoned Kmart, with a Tow Truck Driver parked the next row over. I wonder if he (or she) is blogging too? It just feels good to get some things out and in black and white on the page! A lot has been going on here in the past few days- I really need Blogger to come up with a way for me to post telepathically, because I have all of these things floating around in my head that need out and no time to actually sit down and type them.

The biggest thing right now... I have a job interview tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this. Mostly I am HUGELY excited. Excited because someone actually values my skill set enough to want to talk to me about a job. Excited because even though the interview is not until 6 pm and my husband will likely be home LONG before then, he would not commit to being home by then (God forbid he have to alter his life to make sure our child is cared for!), so I get to hire a babysitter! She has a 4 hour minimum, so she will be coming to my house two hours BEFORE I have to leave for said interview and staying until at least 7 pm when my husband is sure to be home and ready to take care of Tyler. For an hour. Before he goes to bed. But I digress... The thought of having TWO hours PLUS drive time PLUS interview time whereby someone else is temporarily responsible for my child is enough to make me giddy!!!!!! Honestly, I'm a little excited about the job too. I don't want to talk too much about it since it's JUST an interview- I didn't even have to go through a phone interview first, so I'm really walking in there blind, but still! I am trying to take one thing at a time and I don't want to get any hopes up.

So now to the mixed feelings part... I feel a little like a poser mom... there were other people who got laid off at the same time that I did. They all said that they were going to “do the stay at home mom thing” too. When they ultimately found jobs, my first thought was something snarky along the lines of, “Couldn't hack it as a stay at home mom, huh?” or “Just using that stay at home thing as an excuse in case you couldn't get a job, huh?” I immediately remind myself not to judge- I don't know their entire situation or that might be me one day, but the first gut reaction- not a nice one. So now here I am, with an interview- just an interview- and I am jumping up and down and squealing like a little girl, ready to run back to work at the first opportunity. I feel like I haven't really given this stay at home thing enough of a shot. Going back to work now feels like a bit of a failure, like I couldn't hack it- couldn't figure out how to raise my own kid and take care of my own house.

I think about putting Tyler in day care- trying to decide who to trust with our precious little boy and my stomach seizes up. What kind of mom willingly chooses to hand her child over to virtual strangers if she does not absolutely positively have to? When I worked before, my husband was only working every other week, so we had a woman come to our home to keep Tyler for the weeks my husband worked. Because we were only paying her every other week, it was cost effective. At this point, though, he's back working every week and she is not available every week, nor cost effective. If we are going to pay her every week, my earnings pretty much go right to her. Daycare is more affordable, but also new territory for us and something that my husband does not really want to do. I don't particularly want to put him in daycare, BUT... (see below for the BUT, a.k.a. The Rationalization.)

So my rationalization- our financial situation is perilous at best. My husband is self employed with a business that's not quite 3 years old. It's doing very well, but in this economy, with these credit restrictions, things are tight. We have been living off my severance package- he's yet to draw a paycheck from the business. His business picks up in the Spring and Summer, so he wanted the opportunity to see how much he could grow the business this season and see where things were. He's done a great job with marketing and picked up a lot of accounts, but I just don't know how he can go to pulling nothing from the business to pulling everything we need to cover expenses from the business. Also, we have health insurance through the end of July, but then will have to start paying quite a lot for it. Bottom line is that I like to know exactly how my bills are going to be paid. I like to know that there is going to be a pretty regular stream of money coming in and I don't know that right now. I supposed that even if I had a job, I wouldn't know that since they were so quick to end my last job, but at least I had an idea and some warning. Things are much more unstable with my husband's business, as they would be with any small business.

So that's where I am- conflicted, feeling guilty for being so excited at the prospect of leaving my child every day, and gearing up for a possible battle with my husband, who does not want to entertain the idea of me going back to work. I never thought that this would be my life. I'm really having a hard time reconciling where I am with where I thought I would be and the parent that I am versus the parent that I thought I would be. Any ideas? Suggestions? Criticisms? I'll take them all right now... just trying to figure out what's right.